From The Clarkson Integrator of Clarkson University, 11/23/09:

The quiet Tuesday morning calm was shattered by the gruesome discovery of a corded telephone carcass brutally abandoned in a tree outside of CAMP. Students were shocked to learn of the attack and have avoided the area where the remains were found. The tree is located along the fence separating the construction of the student center and CAMP. Early indications show that civilians will be avoiding the path for many weeks to come. Traffic along the fence has dropped nearly 90% from three weeks ago.

Officials from the Assault of Lagging Technologies of the Technology Abuse Bureau (ALT-TAB) have offered no possible suspects in the slaying. A former member of ALT-TAB agreed to speak to reporters on the condition of anonymity, “During my time at ALT-TAB we amassed a large file on terrorist groups that target electronics. This looks like the work of The New Technologists [TNT].” When asked about The New Technologists’ possible involvement the TAB press liaison could not confirm or deny the speculation.

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(cont.)