Once, one or two mayoral administrations ago, New Yorkers were very literate people. So literate, in fact, that they were able to read four letter words, such as Walk. And Don’t. When just one of these words was displayed, in white, they walked. When two of these words were displayed, in red, they walked. (But they walked carefully).

Then, one day, these signs were replaced by pictorial LED signs that could, in theory, be understood by illiterates. However, they required a degree of interpretation: The man isn’t actually moving, but is his stick-like body supposed to indicate that we should cross the street? Then there is a red hand. “Touch a tea kettle,” it seems to say, “and your palm will look like this.” It’s a point that we should all consider when there is a Mack truck going at 40 miles an hour down Broadway.

Do you want your children to be safe? Do you want them to be literate? Do you want them to look adorable? Do you want to buy this shirt? Yes, you do. I’m told that if you look both ways before crossing, and then enter the code “obsolete” on the site, you’ll get 20 percent off…

Now if only they had it in a size that would fit a 354-month-old…